Changing Holiday Grief into Holiday Joy: A Journey Through Love, Loss, and Healing

When October rolls around, it feels like time stops for me—like an old clock on its final tick. The air grows colder, the days shorter, and with every leaf that falls, I feel the weight of my grief. You see, my mom passed away in October.

She was more than just a mom; she was my best friend—what people today call a "ride-or-die" chick. And when I say she went all out for the holidays, I mean it. From Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas, she filled every room with decorations, laughter, and warmth.

It’s been over 20 years since my mom passed, and yet every holiday still holds a mixture of joy and sadness. I’ve realized I carry a sense of survivor’s guilt: I’ve lived longer than my mom did. Some days, that truth is hard to bear.

But over time, I’ve learned to channel that grief into joy—not just for myself, but as a tribute to the incredible woman my mom was. If you’re facing a similar struggle, this post is for you. Together, let’s explore ways to honor our loved ones, shift holiday grief into moments of joy, and embrace the memories that made them so special.

Understanding Holiday Grief

Grief has a way of resurfacing during the holidays. It’s like an uninvited guest—one that brings memories, tears, and a longing for someone who can’t be replaced. Whether you lost your loved one last month or 20 years ago, the holidays can magnify the loss.

Here are some common feelings during holiday grief:

1. Loneliness – Even surrounded by family, the absence of that one person creates an irreplaceable void.

2. Survivor’s Guilt – Feeling guilty about continuing to live, celebrate, and find joy when your loved one no longer can.

3. Bittersweet Memories – Holidays are filled with traditions that remind you of their laughter, their smile, and the way they made life brighter.

4. Pressure to “Move On” – Society often expects us to “get over it” and participate in celebrations without acknowledging our pain.

   
   

Remember This: Grief doesn’t mean you’ve stopped living. It means you loved someone deeply, and love like that deserves to be honored—year after year.

5 Ways to Transform Holiday Grief into Holiday Joy

The holidays don’t have to be a time of sadness alone. Instead, you can take small, intentional steps to bring back the joy while cherishing the memory of your loved one. Here’s how:

1. Keep Their Traditions Alive

My mom loved the holidays. Every year, she would go all out—whether it was homemade Halloween costumes, a table overflowing with food for Thanksgiving, or stockings bursting with surprises on Christmas morning. Keeping those traditions alive feels like keeping a piece of her here with me.

• Cook her favorite recipes.

• Decorate the house like she would have.

• Play the music or movies she loved during this season.

  
  

Action Step: Dedicate one tradition as a “Mom Moment” (or insert your loved one’s name). It could be as small as lighting a candle or making her famous pie.

2. Start a New Tradition in Their Honor

Sometimes, old traditions can feel overwhelming without the person who started them. Starting a new tradition in your loved one’s memory can bring healing.

• Volunteer at a local shelter in their honor.

• Write a letter to them every year, sharing what you’re grateful for.

• Create an annual “memory tree,” where you hang ornaments or notes representing special moments with them.

3. Allow Yourself to Feel the Sadness

Grief isn’t something to push away. It’s a reflection of how much love you shared. Allow yourself to feel sad, cry, and miss them. It’s okay. Grief and joy can coexist.

Practical Tips:

• Set aside time each day to reflect on your loved one. Light a candle and just sit with your memories.

• Talk about them with friends or family who understand your grief. Sharing stories can bring laughter and healing.

4. Surround Yourself with Comfort and Support

When my mom passed, the holidays felt emptier, and I found myself withdrawing from people. But grief doesn’t have to be faced alone. Lean into what comforts you, whether it’s people, things, or rituals.

• Reach out to a support group or close friends who understand.

• Wear clothes that bring you physical comfort—like soft, cozy loungewear that makes you feel wrapped in a hug.

• Spend time with those who uplift your spirit and share in your healing.

5. Celebrate Their Life with a Gratitude Practice

One of the most powerful shifts I’ve made during the holidays is focusing on gratitude. Instead of mourning the years I’ve lived without my mom, I’ve started celebrating the years I had with her.

Gratitude Practices to Try:

• Write down 5 things you’re grateful for about your loved one.

• Create a gratitude jar where you write one memory or blessing each day leading up to the holiday.

• Share stories or moments with family members to keep their spirit alive.

  
  

Key Reminder: Gratitude doesn’t erase the pain, but it reminds us that love never truly leaves us.

A Letter to My Mom: Healing Through Words

Sometimes, the simplest way to transform grief into joy is by writing. If you feel overwhelmed during the holidays, try writing a letter to your loved one. Here’s an excerpt from one of mine:

"Dear Mom,It’s been over 20 years since you left, and yet every holiday, I see you in everything—the decorations, the music, the food. You taught me to love the little moments, the way laughter can fill a room, and how family is what matters most. I miss you every day, but I promise to keep your spirit alive. I’ll bake your pies, hang your favorite ornaments, and wear something cozy—just the way you’d want me to. I love you forever. Until we meet again…"

Finding Joy Again

The holidays will never be the same without your loved one, and that’s okay. But you can still honor their memory, keep their traditions alive, and embrace moments of joy. Grief and joy can live side by side. Let yourself feel both, and remember: your loved one’s legacy lives on in you.

“Grief is the price we pay for love, but love—deep, beautiful, unconditional love—is worth every tear.”

This holiday season, wrap yourself in comfort, create new memories, and allow yourself to smile. You’re not alone on this journey.